What Would Be Worse...

I have been more fearful in the last few days, since we found out the new court date, than I have been this whole time of knowing we might lose Lili. I thought it might help if I get those "fearing the worst" thoughts out of my head and into words.

I have been fearful we will lose her.

I have been more fearful not only will we lose her, but only months after legal process when it will feel like death to us.

I am afraid His glory revealed in this situation will for us mean waiting longer and bringing greater pain and agony.

I am afraid God’s glory always means my pain and agony.

Those fears seem like the worst things that could happen. But that is not true.

What would be worse is letting fear reign in my mind and heart instead of the faith and peace God always offers. What would be worse is placing my joy in the gift of Lili, rather than the Giver and Creator of that gift. What would be worse would be demanding what I want and ending up bitter when God doesn’t follow my wishes. What would be worse would be not learning that His glory is always tied to our best, even though our best still can be very painful and agonizing for a season. What would be worse is walking away unchanged by this, not learning and growing from this, when God has offered this time as a great gift and blessing to us. What would be worse would be viewing life’s events through my selfish, clouded heart instead of looking for God's perspective and glimpses of how He is redeeming difficulties or tragedies in my life.

Oh, Lord, please help me to see things from Your perspective. Don't let me lose sight of what is really important and trusting the good You are doing, even when I don’t see it.