This is such a strange waiting time. As I hold and care for
Lili in what could be our last
days with her, I waver back and forth from hope to preparing for loss. I have
full confidence that the Lord can indeed work out the details so that Lili
would stay with us permanently. He is capable of that. But I do not have full
confidence that is indeed His perfect plan for her, and for us. And I want to
trust Him, not myself.
And I wanted to say before Tuesday, whether we hear the news
we want or the news we don’t want, these things are true of our great God.
He is trustworthy. He has proven this time and time again.
He is faithful. Whatever He calls us to walk through, He
will provide what we need.
He is sovereign. None of these details were a surprise to
Him. He has a plan for it all.
He is good. This is true even when circumstances don’t seem
good.
He gives me His best. Not what I think is best, but what He
truly knows in the end is best. Sometimes, maybe often, His best hurts.
He loves me. No matter how much things hurt, He is
orchestrating something redemptive, something good. I can always look at the
cross to be assured of this.
These things remain true whether we have Lili permanently or
not. These things remain true whether we ever have children or not. These
things remain true in the greatest of storms and usually, we become more aware
of these truths in the midst of storms. Yesterday, His peace surrounded my heart
with these truths. Today was a day of tears and sorrow. Regardless of my
emotions each day, these things remain true.
He is trustworthy.
He is faithful.
He is sovereign.
He is good.
He gives me His best.
He loves me.
Connie . . . I am praying for you, Joa, and Lili . . . I am praying for peace, understanding, and for God's plan to be shown in your life sooner rather than later. I can't imagine what you are going through . . . but know that we are praying . . . Lili is so blessed to have this time with you and we will continue to pray that it remain permanent . . . and if that is not to happen, we are also praying for the salvation of her birth family and for Lili . . . somehow God is using all this . . .
ReplyDeleteConnie, this is a great post. you are so right! You are an inspiration! I will continue to pray! Will be thinking and praying extra hard Tuesday!
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing like having children to make you realize how helpless and NOT in control you really are. Something you said really resonated with me; that He is faithful and will give us what we need to walk where He has called us. I had to constantly remind myself of that in Juliet's earliest days. She was so difficult and I continually doubted my mothering skills, I still do sometimes. But you are so right. He doesn't do anything to or for us that He hasn't already equipped us for and chosen us for. You were chosen for this stormy season of life, for a purpose. I know you already know all of this. Praying you find peace and hope in the midst of this storm. *Hugs!*
ReplyDeleteSuch hard truths, that His best is often painful, and how often I just wish with all my might for what I want...which is always easiest! Praying with you, Connie. Amazed by your faith, and praying for my own.
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