The Only Update We Have

Many times we get asked "what is the latest news for your adoption?" We haven't had anything to share for almost 2 years now. Ugh. But I thought it would be nice to share the only updates we do get. The rest of this post is an email from the director of Generations, shared with her permission. We hate the wait, but we are so grateful to wait with Generations. They are always so good at encouraging us and helping us keep our focus on God.

So what's up with Generations? We are so busy. God is so good. It can be so hard. We are praying and seeking Him, and on the ride with Him. He is in control and navigating our path. We are listening and following His directions. God has invited you to join us on the ride. We try our best to protect you from some of the crazy drivers out there! And we try to navigate around the potholes and storms as best we can. Because we have precious cargo onboard - YOU. And we don’t want you to be hurt or jarred, or scared one moment of the trip, your trip.

God is blessing us with many birthmoms - at varying stages. We are traveling as far south as San Antonio with two birthmoms and north of Dallas. We are providing a training to multiple pregnancy centers to equip volunteers and staff to share adoption well and comfortably with expectant moms - tomorrow we are in Killeen, the next week in Hutto, the next week in Burleson (new contact), and shortly after in Bastrop.

We have had some birthmoms facing challenging situations. We are always thankful for our amazing attorney, Dave Cole. He walks us through each case step by step to navigate. We have had birthmoms with husbands that had to sign and they did; birthmoms who conceived in another state and we have to follow that state's laws to notify birthfathers, just to name a few.

We have a lot of variety of birthmoms now, in ages, backgrounds, and of many different races. Some will have more families to view; some not very many. All are amazing courageous women, truly seeking what is best for their baby. Some long to meet 'the' family, others are scared. Some aren’t sure what type of adoption they want. They worry about the birthfather. They worry about the baby’s health. They worry if the family will like them and love their baby. They worry what their child will think of them one day. They worry....

Recently, I heard a staff that 'adoption' means 'wait.' I thought to myself how true that is. Work hard, hurry up, and wait. And yet, I thought how much God waits on me, on us... to obey...to seek Him with our whole heart...to turn over everything to Him once and for all... to pray first before reacting...to keep our eyes on Him and only glance at the problem at hand. 

Recently, I read a post, posted by someone else! It was from a waiting mom, Jen Hatmaker, who I don't even know. Gotta love Facebook, huh? But I thought it was so good I wanted to share a part. She said that a common theme revealed itself throughout their adoption journey, with all the unexpected twists and turns and emotions. She said this rhythm began to take place:

me "God, we're confused."
God "I'm not done yet."

"When God said he wasn't done yet, he just wasn't done yet. He wasn't speaking in code. It wasn't a trick. The story was still in the middle, but I wanted to flip ahead to the end, past the conflict and struggle and straight to the happy ending. As Keeper of the Story, God knew the whole plot... If you are confused right now, if your story isn't going the way you thought, or if you're tangled up in the messy middle where hope is deferred, dear reader, it could just be that God isn't done yet. Your story is not finished. Every hero and heroine must wade through the conflict to get to the end, and you can trust God because he is good. If you have nothing else to cling to, remember this: God is good. He loves goodness and justice. He heals and redeems. He is on the side of love and beauty. He is for you. He is never against you. You may be against you, other people may be against you, but God is not against you.  It is okay to be confused; I'm afraid that is our lot as finite creatures dealing with an infinite God. Some of God's best heros were confused in their subplots. But I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on. Because God is good and he is for goodness."

Peace and Perspective

That is what I am praying for these days.

It’s felt like a rough couple of months, maybe in particular a rough couple of weeks lately. I have realized I am an anxious person. That sounds silly to say. How could I not know that before? I always knew; I just liked to hide it and stuff it. Or rationalize that because everyone else is anxious too, I am really “normal” and don’t need to change this. Both ploys don’t work so well. In fact, it usually ends up keeping you up at night or waking you up early in the morning. Then the lack of sleep feeds into the craziness and makes everything spiral downward.

It’s been a time of internal transition for me. God wants to do something deeper. And as a somewhat mature Christian of many years, this should be a thing of joy for me. After all, it’s what I say I want, right? Growth and maturity so that I may continue to please the Father who loves me abundantly, so that I may walk in His will.

But He wants to go deeper than I want to go. He wants to go to scary places I would rather not be. He wants to bring up things I have tucked safely away in hopes of never seeing them again. He wants to address areas that I don’t want addressed.

It shakes me. It makes me want to try to control my surroundings even more. It makes me want to find security in my circumstances. And my circumstances, relatively, are good. But there is no peace in them because they are always changing.

Why is my first response to something new God is doing fear and running? He is like a surgeon wanting to cut the cancer out that is killing me, but I am too afraid of the knife to let Him. Why do I think it is all about the knife? The knife is simply changing circumstances that God wants to use in my life. I should not be concerned with the knife and wondering what it is all about – I should be concerned with the surgeon. Is he trained in this specific area? Is he dependable? What is his track record for good results? And I ask those things about my Surgeon. Is He faithful? Yes. Does He love me? Yes. Is He capable? Yes. Can I trust Him? Yes. Does He want the best for me, and does He know what that is? Yes and Yes. Will He give me what is good? Yes. Sometimes His good hurts. Sometimes His good doesn’t always mean answered prayers and happy endings. But can I trust Him even when I don’t understand? Yes. Has He proven Himself and His love to me? Yes, a million times over.

I want to trust Him with whatever knives He chooses to use in my life. I want to remember this is more about Him and who He is than what currently happens to be going on in my life (though He certainly cares about those things). This is the perspective I must hold tight to and this is the peace that I pray for. For you and for me.