God loves me.
This is a simple truth that
has eluded me for years - all my Christian life, really. And now as I sit in
Lili’s room typing this, I realize something has changed. After a million other
preparations, God solidified in my heart what I longed to experience all along
through our time with Lili. God really loves me.
I knew He loved me,
intellectually. But I wasn’t sure He really liked me. And I don’t think I
wanted to trust His love. I wanted to earn it. Trying to earn His love but
never being able to rest in it was a very vicious cycle.
What happened? Was it that
I finally opened my heart to believing His truth instead of lies? Was it that
in opening my heart and choosing trust instead of fear He allowed me to see
more clearly? Was it the love I felt for Lili that allowed me to finally
glimpse how He feels about me, despite what I ever do, say or be? Was it when I
started choosing gratefulness for all He has given that this knowledge grew in
my heart? Maybe it was all of these things. Maybe it was none of these things. I
know He was doing something, and I was open to what He was doing. And somewhere
in that, He solidified His love for me in my heart. All I know is that as well
as intellectually knowing His love, I feel and experience His love. I can rest
in His love.
And it is a wonderful thing
to know. And experience.
1 John 4: 9-10, 15-19
“By this the love of God is revealed in us: that God sent
his one and only Son into the world in order that we may live through him. In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he
loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins…Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God resides
in him and he in God. And we
have come to know and have believed the love that God has in us. God is love, and the one who resides in love resides in
God, and God resides in him. By this
love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of
judgment, because just as that one is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear,
because fear includes punishment, and the one who is afraid has not been
perfected in love. We love,
because he first loved us.”
i truly do enjoy hearing about the things the Lord is doing on your life throughout this process of grief and healing.
ReplyDeleteisn't it "funny" how the most painful things can remind us of God's love towards us? but i must say, i sure hope i can make the full head/heart connection without much more!