Gratitude

I’ve been reading a book titled One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp. I stumbled across a review of it a few weeks ago and was intrigued but fearful. It seemed to offer what I was looking for and speak into the topics in my life that are most pressing. I read an excerpt from it that made me cry, I was so moved by it. And yet I was afraid it would be one more disappointing book that promised something – a way out? Hope? The possibility of change? – and mostly turned out to be fluff. The same words just shifted around. No real substance. I was really looking for a new perspective, a new way of looking at life and my relationship with God, and sustenance. I found it – in part, at least – in this book. I haven’t finished reading it yet but have been savoring it one section at a time. 

She takes these two subjects of living fully where you are and gratitude – one which has always eluded me and another which I have valued but not lived – and she gives a new perspective. She – in a back way that catches you off guard – brings life and energy and hope with an intriguing way of writing. A disarming and vulnerable way of writing that allows you to be with her, feel her story, and be touched by what God was doing in her life. A way of writing that leads you right back to God although you never suspected you were headed in that direction. There were no trite Christian sayings, no shaming over not being a super Christian, but there was God. She writes in a way that allows God to open up life inside of me without me working so hard or trying to force it. In a way that allows me to step into where God is already at without all the legalism and the knowledge that in the end blocks me from God. 

I highly recommend her book. Someday I would love to write something as equally powerful, vulnerable and inspiring. 

Last night I ended my evening reading this quote. “I, too, had read it often, the oft-quoted verse: ‘And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ’ (Ephesians 5:20). And I, too, would nod and say straight-faced, ‘I’m thankful for everything.’ But in counting gifts, to one thousand, more, I discover that slapping a sloppy brush of thanksgiving over everything in my life leaves me deeply thankful for very few things in my life. A lifetime of sermons on ‘thanks in all things’ and the shelves sagging with books on these things and I testify: life-changing gratitude does not fasten to a life unless nailed through with one very specific nail at a time.” (page 57)

I like this. I think this is where I miss out on the life that I do have. I am always rushing ahead to the “someday” things, the big things, and I am rarely here in today. I am rarely thankful and I am often longing for what I do not have. I want to be here, now. Enjoying all I have – which is this very day. I can’t change the past and I don’t have the future guaranteed. Only this moment in time, right now. So I will start with the small things I am grateful for. I am thankful for a ticking clock, a soft blue blanket, an overstuffed armchair. I am thankful for bathrooms and my doctor. I am thankful I don’t have a needle in my arm now. I am thankful for writing classes. I am thankful for soft dogs, for my soft dog, who is goofy. I am thankful for naps, and this day off work. I am thankful for lists but also for trash cans where sometimes lists need to go. I am thankful for friends who listen and ask thought provoking questions and who journey with me in this life. I am thankful for a husband to share life with. I am thankful for the breath God gave me. I am thankful for how intricate and amazingly God created our bodies, to work so efficiently, to be so complex and yet run (mostly) smoothly. I am thankful He literally holds our cells together, holds my cells together. 

And now, with all this thankfulness, I am tired. It is time to take a nap.

New Year's Eve

This trip to Brazil was my fifth trip here. And it was the first time that the area of the city where we were staying lost power. Twice. Tonight is the second time and it’s New Year’s Eve.

So, although this is my vacation and I have plenty of downtime, tonight was the perfect timing. Tonight I took stock of the past year. And honestly, sadly, what I saw was not what I wanted to see. But it was necessary for me to see it to make changes in the coming year.

It has been a rough year. I have spent much energy, much time, and much focus on the things that didn’t matter. I did not walk away from the Lord intentionally but I certainly drifted away each day a little further. However, without the loss of electricity, I would not have taken the time to look back and see that. God was so gracious in calling me back to Himself that on New Year’s Eve, He turned the power off.

Maybe you have had a great past year. Maybe you have been closer to the Lord than ever. Maybe You have grown and enjoyed His abundance. If that is true, I am so glad. But if your year was like me, where you drifted away from him a little more each day, there is hope. He continues to call you to Himself. With His Word and with sunsets and with power outages.

And just so you know, as I was writing this, the lights came back on. Just in time to celebrate a new year.