Running

So, Joa signed us up for the Warrior Dash in Austin at the end of November. At first I was excited. After all, I could use a little fun in my life. It’s a three mile race…with an obstacle course throughout. I will never run a marathon and maybe not even a half-marathon so this was a good “I’ve-done-something-big-or-unusual” goal to accomplish.

Then I started training and realized I could barely run two miles, let alone three with an obstacle course. I started to panic. Would this be yet one more thing that I felt I failed at? I certainly didn’t need anything to add to that list.

I really don’t like running. I am not energized by it. I usually have a headache after I am done. My knees ache so I don’t sleep well at night after I have run. I like my little workout videos better; I have been pushed and sweat but I can still walk after. I know a lot of people love running. I am just not one of them.

But I thought of it in connection with a book I have been reading called Anonymous by Alicia Britt Chole. She talks about the hidden or unnoticed times in Jesus’ life and how that prepared Him for His revealed and public times. This morning I was reading about His temptation in the dessert, specifically where Satan tempts Him to turn stones into bread (Matthew 4:3-4). These paragraphs she wrote about it stood out to me.

“I find it noteworthy that Satan did not suggest that Jesus run into town and steal some food – that would have been a blatant violation of God’s commandments. But eating? Food in itself is not sinful. And here is where Satan’s lures can be deceptive. This layer was not about what Jesus would eat as much as it was about when Jesus would eat. Would He obey Father God even when obedience required delayed satisfaction of legitimate needs?”

“In the layer of appetite, we witness Satan’s skillful use of a most effective lure: immediate gratification. Feel familiar? Surely this is still one of humanity’s greatest weaknesses. In our day, we are unapologetically addicted to the immediate; we feel justifiably discontent with delay. Why should we wait when it is in our power not to?” (I might add…why should we run and exercise our bodies when it hurts so much)

“In isolation, this suggestion may have seemed reasonable enough for someone who had been without food for forty days in a wilderness. But Jesus did not allow the moments of his life to exist in isolation. He constantly connected them and placed them in light of God’s will. Jesus knew that sacrificing his body on the cross in the future would be impossible if at this layer he chose to feed his flesh in the dessert.”

Wow. That puts things into perspective for me. I hate running because it’s work. I want instant results. Not just with running but in my life. I want sanctification without working hard. I want growth without the pain. I want a good relationship without any conflict in marriage. I want to not sin without having to make the hard choices not to sin. I want to honor God without taking the time or the energy or the money it takes to honor God. I want my plan for my life to be God’s plan, and I want Him to act in my timing. I want all the best with no work, wait or pain. But that simply isn’t the best. It is the work, the wait and the pain that God uses to make it the best in my life and in me. Lord, help me to see and surrender to Your way!

Romans 5:3-5 seems like a perfect reminder that struggling through those hard things with God – our sins, others’ sins against us, heartbreaks and disappointments, anger with God, life not turning out the way you expected, you fill in the blank – is really worth it. They are really used by God. And allowed by God. And chosen by God. “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

I have been thinking of Ethan again. He isn’t quite six months old. It’s a rather bittersweet feeling, one of sweet memories and a bit of wistfulness. Not wistfulness for Ethan; God worked out things for the family so they are providing good care for him even if his family structure is not what they hoped it would be. But wistfulness and longing for our turn to come quickly. It’s been almost six months since we got the first call and I would love to have gotten another call about another birthmom choosing us by now.

These feelings almost snuck up me. Life has been so busy that I haven’t been thinking much about it. I have been content with the things God has placed in our lives to keep us busy and enjoying the freedom we have with no children. But I think it is also true that God has healed that pain. Not completely and maybe not forever. But the raw and incapacitating pain is gone.

I hate the old adage time heals all wounds. Time heals nothing if all you do is sit on your hurts. This should be the new adage: grieving well, God’s presence and hand, and loved ones listening to your story heals wounds. It’s not quite as catchy but certainly true.

So, that is my bit of advice for today. Don’t stuff your wounds, regardless of how big or small they are and regardless of how important or unimportant the world might regard them. Don’t pretend they don’t exist. Don’t sweep them under the spiritual rug and say everything is okay because in the end God is sovereign. He is, but He still commands us to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15). He still created us with feelings and emotions that do not determine our actions but that do need to be expressed. The emotions God created us to feel tells us something about ourselves and the situation that we should pay attention to.

Pass it on: Grieving well, God’s presence and hand, and loved ones listening to your story heals wounds. And it is a wonderful thing to have wounds healed.